That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
