sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
