Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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