i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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