And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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