he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
