youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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