I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
