Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
