Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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