what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
