We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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