it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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