paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I checked into jail on foursquare
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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