not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
