i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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