mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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