Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
