apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
