I'm jealous of your bromance
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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