My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
