Only a mothe r could love this liver
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
