remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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