I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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