it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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