So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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