My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
