I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
