Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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