Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
