the condom got lost in my hair
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
