you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
