You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
