okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
