awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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