We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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