At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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