i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
