She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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