hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
