Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
