i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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