someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
