Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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