hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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