I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
