You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
