Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
