Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
