made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am available for nakedness
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