And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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