I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
