I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
