Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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