he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
