Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
