yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
