i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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