Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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