One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
