Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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