I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
