I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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