WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i will never coherently bang her
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
