and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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