Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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