you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
