There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
